Some things in life are not optional. This weeks THRIVE theme is boundaries. Boundaries are one of those things in life that are not optional.
For some, the word boundaries makes their palms sweat! “Yes, I know I need them, but……”
For others, they understand the need for healthy boundaries and they are on a good path with them.
I draw a distinction between “boundaries” and “healthy boundaries.” Why? Because boundaries put into place without the right foundation have little chance of producing positive results. They can easily be more harmful than good.
Healthy boundaries are intentional ~ Prayerfully set with love for self and others, with pure motives, proper accountability and a forgiving heart. Share on X
I invite you to join my Facebook group, ‘Healthy Boundaries for Women Who Lead’ where we talk about boundaries every week related to leadership, spiritual depth, addiction/recovery, transformation and more.
Tips on setting healthy boundaries:
- Pure motives – What does this mean? It could mean safety for you and others. It could mean improving your health. It could mean loving someone and therefore, not helping them continue to harm themselves. If your motive is to change another person, that is not your place. Only God changes people. A pure motive is one based on love and where the Holy Spirit is leading you.
- Stay in truth – Many people think that boundaries are selfish. They certainly can be selfish depending on your motive. When you set healthy boundaries, they are not selfish because you come from the right foundation. People that are affected by your boundaries may try to convince you that you are being selfish. This is common when someone only wants you to see things their way; when they want to stay in their comfort zone regardless of the impact on others.
- Check your H.E.A.R.T. – Are you hungry, exhausted, angry, resentful or tense? If so, wait. Any of these emotional states are not a good time to put boundaries in place.
- Pray – God knows your needs better than you do. He also knows what is going to grow holiness within you. He knows the pathway of abundance for all involved.
- Weed Whack – Our thoughts run away from us far too often. It’s easy to get lost in the weeds of things we assume. Stay in truthful perspective. What do you know to be true in the situation? You will have confidence in your boundary decisions when you’ve killed the weeds and move forward on truth.
If you struggle to set or maintain healthy boundaries, take a step back to consider what’s the basis of that struggle? Typically, it’s some kind of fear. Fear is a liar; period.
This is a great place to work with a life coach who can help you with your weed whacking and staying in truthful perspective.
When to Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are needed in every part of life. Unfortunately, most people don’t give boundaries a whole lot of thought until:
- the stress of dealing with a difficult person has caused a lot of personal pain
- the stress of overwhelm has taken it’s toll, resulting in health issues
- the stress of never taking time for self-care has resulted in heavy emotional issues
Because of this, by the time someone admits their need for boundaries, they are usually so deep in their pain that it’s very hard to see how any change is possible. This drives false thoughts of helplessness and believing they have no options.
One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
Healthy Boundaries Require You to Choose
If you want something, you have to make choices towards achieving it. Those choices may not be easy. How bad do you want it?
There’s a saying, “when the pain outweighs the fear, a person will take steps towards change.”
I like to help people implement healthy boundaries BEFORE the pain gets that bad.
How many times have you beat yourself up because you aren’t taking care of yourself?
Or, because you don’t give God anything but a couple of quick prayers in a weeks time? Or, because you don’t spend enough time with your elderly parent?
Or, because ___________?
How often do you say ‘yes’ when you know you should have said ‘no?’ And, now that you didn’t say ‘no,’ you’ve created other issues in your life?
Life is all about choices – every single day.
Step back and be honest with yourself. You may not like the choices you have, but the fact is, you do have choices. When you see this truth you take ownership for your decision(s) to leave things the way they are or to change things.
Owning your choices takes power away from the overwhelm and fear of change.
If you need help setting or maintaining boundaries contact me here.
Heathy boundaries are simply not an option in order to live a thriving life. In order to live your life purpose; the impact God created and designed you for.
