You are either getting the results you want or you aren’t. It’s not up to anyone else to change your mindset. You have to decide if you are ready to change your mindset and thus, change your results.
Changing the way you feel, think and respond can be a lot easier said than done.
Making a mindset shift requires two things initially:
– recognizing the need for change
– having the willingness to do something with your awareness of the need to change.
“I was in my late thirties when my eyes were opened to truth in God’s Word that showed me I wasn’t living the abundant life Jesus died for me to have. I had a very negative mindset and was miserable most of the time because of the abuse I had experienced throughout my childhood.” ~ Joyce Meyer
As mentioned in my most recent newsletter article*, mindsets can be so embedded in who you are that you believe they cannot be overcome. This is absolutely not true, but shutting off the committee in your head that tells you otherwise takes committed effort.
Mindsets can also creep up on you through experiences or things you see going on around you. In this case, although not necessarily “embedded” in who you are, perhaps not yet, it still takes a strong willingness and commitment to want to see things differently.
One of My Struggles….
Early in my corporate career, I fought a self-defeating mindset that I would never measure up to my peers because I did not have a college degree. Having this belief kept me in a place of constantly comparing myself to others, judging others, self-doubt, low self-esteem, lacking confidence, …. need I say more!
I was very successful in my career, but those false beliefs kept me stuck in an unhealthy cycle and led to other issues in my life. Even to this day, I still find the lies of “less than” or low self-confidence trying to take hold. I have to pay attention through self observation, recognize the negative thoughts and take action to keep them from taking over.
Not all mindsets are self-defeating like my example (by the way: that’s just one of several self-defeating mindsets I’ve dealt with in my life!).
Obviously, if your mindset(s) add value to your life and moves you forward, then you probably don’t have as much to work on. Unfortunately, for many people, negative mindsets are what they survive by. There is no thriving when all you are trying to do is survive day to day.
Any mindset that is not serving you well needs to be changed. The things you believe should be life-giving not life-taking. Take a moment and think about any part(s) of your life that is not where you would like it to be or where you know it should be. Consider how you are keeping yourself stuck in the situation. I am not suggesting there are no other influences in the situation you find yourself in, but I am saying that you always have a choice. So, ask yourself what your contribution to staying in the situation is.
You should also ask yourself:
– Where is God?
– What is He saying?
– Are your beliefs based on the truth of His word?
– Are you experiencing chaos, confusion, strife, discontent, etc. – things that are not of God?
In 1 Corinthians 14:33, God’s word states: “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.”
Once you recognize that you need to change your mindset and you are willing to take steps to do so, there are some practical ways to begin changing the mindset(s) that have kept you stuck:
1. Challenge the belief – let’s take a mindset that says, “I have to take care of things myself because I can’t depend on anyone else to get it done (whatever “it” is). The belief you have in this situation is that no one but you can take care of whatever “it” is.
To begin challenging this belief, consider:
– what is really true here? as an example: is there really no one else you can delegate “it” to or is the issue that you don’t trust others to take care of “it” the same way you would? (or some other version of self talk that says “I’m the only one who is capable…”)
– are my thoughts helping me or hurting me? if you continually find yourself taking care of the “it’s” in your life; this belief that you have to do things yourself is likely a source of overwhelm, anxiety, strained relationships and more. Is all this making your life better or is it adding stress? If it’s the latter, you must ask yourself why you would allow this mindset to continue controlling you?
2. Be realistic! – your beliefs have been with you a long time and they typically do not go away easily. Just be aware and prepare to give yourself some grace.
– Get to the root. uncovering the root of mindsets that have led to severe hurts or habits may need the assistance of a therapist. Be open-minded to the possibility of working with this type of professional.
– Have a plan. this is where working with a coach can be very beneficial. thinking through what you want and how you will get there and how you will keep the old mindsets from taking over. Having a plan is your best bet to mitigate a return to the same old stinkin’ thinkin’.
3. Don’t go it alone – We’ll talk about this more in the next post on November 17, “Challenges in Change: Winning the War”, but to be successful as you get started, it is important to think about how you can enlist the help of others. Let’s say the mindset you want to change is related to negative viewpoints about yourself. Asking a trusted friend, co-worker, or family member to call you out when you speak negatively about yourself can be most helpful.
Don’t simply let the running commentary or in your mind have it’s way with you. Yes, some things are “just the way it’s always been” or “the way you’ve always done it.” That doesn’t mean you or the people you influence are being served well by these thoughts.
It’s a good thing to question what you believe and give thought to why you feel the way you do. It’s not about whether your viewpoints are right or wrong, necessarily – although it could be, but if you aren’t where you want to be, nothing will change if you don’t challenge your mindset.
“Core beliefs generally dominate thinking and lead to predictable behaviors. They also limit our lives because we can only experience what our mindset allows us to perceive and predict.” (from Becoming a Professional Life Coach, 2nd Edition)
I suggest re-reading the above 2 sentences and asking yourself what beliefs are driving predictable behaviors for you. Are those behaviors a good thing? If not, it’s time to take action.
In the next post we will take a look at sticking to your mindset shift. You’ve likely heard it said that the battle takes place in your mind. Yes it does! Can I say that again – YES IT DOES!
While this is true well beyond my yelling it in capital letters, you are strong and you can persevere.
Ready to make a mindset shift NOW? Contact me for your FREE 30 minute “Mindset Power” Session.
This is a no obligation coaching session. Let’s get you moving in the direction that improves your life!
* view my recent newsletter article “Falling Into the Right Mindset”