Boundaries are a necessary component of leading ourselves well and leading others well.

Kindness is a necessary component of healthy boundaries.

Without boundaries, our influence suffers. People will lose faith in what we say, and it will take longer for our actions to instill a foundation of trust.

Boundaries and kindness work together. It is never kind to ignore a boundary.

Boundaries must include flexibility to the extent change is demonstrated. When a boundary is intentionally altered, kindness is exhibited through communication that eliminates misunderstandings.

Kindness is a Fruit of the Spirit and includes messages people may not want to hear (this includes self!). The message may be interpreted as not being nice. There’s a reason the Fruits of the Spirit omit ‘niceness.’*

Nice typically gets in the way of boundaries. Kindness typically upholds boundaries. Click To Tweet


  • Please note I am not suggesting that being nice is bad. However, being nice, especially when the difference between nice and kind is not understood, can create many problems. It is far too easy to fall into the codependent behavior of people-pleasing.


Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)


⏸ Pause to Pray, Ponder, and Journal

  • Write down examples of being kind versus being nice.
  • When were you nice to someone when you should have been kind?
  • What missing boundary in your life is adversely affecting your influence?
  • What boundary are you maintaining and thus experiencing good results?



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Coach Deb is a certified Gospel-centered Enneagram Coach, a certified Christian Leadership Coach, an author, founder and host of the private online community Influence Multiplied, and the host of intimate (6-8) women’s retreats.

Coach Deb’s passion is to partner with pastors’ wives in one-on-one coaching.

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Debbie Luxton

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