Healthy relationships, “REAL Relationships,” require that we get over ourselves. That we learn to enlighten ourselves, as well as others, and that grace is required.
It’s Not Your Right
Have we ever seen a time greater than the one we are currently in where people believe they have a right to something? The current argument over bathrooms proves the point very well that people think they “have a right” to something irregardless of many factors.
I won’t be diving into this argument (that would be a whole other blog post!), but I do want to use it to stress a point about relationships. Sometimes, we have to learn to get over ourselves.
If you want REAL, deep and abundant, relationships; you must get over believing:
- you always have a right to prove your point,
- you always have a right to have the last word,
- you always have a right to make things be seen your way,
- you always have a right to control people.
(Just to mention a few)
Have I made you mad yet? It was not my intention to make you angry or to put you on the defensive but, I did hope to get your attention.
When Do You “have a right?”
Before you can have the relationships your heart desires, you must begin with examining yourself. Last week’s post talked about this. “Own What’s Yours” and let others own whats theirs.
Mixed directly in the middle of ownership is recognizing that no one is perfect. We strive for perfection a lot in ourselves and we often desire it from others but, it’s not reality.
Reality is lost when your motive is based on the mentality that you “have a right” to force another person into anything.
I do need to say…. Of course you have certain rights, such as protecting yourself. You have the right to say what you want to say and more. The point is, if your motive is to mold people into the person you want them to be, through a mentality of “I have a right,” you are always to going to have strife.
Enlightenment Brings Peace
Relationships that sore have a prevailing attitude to enlighten one another; not hold one another to unrealistic standards. When you seek to enlighten someone you seek to impart knowledge and understanding. Click To Tweet You explain things and share insights. You don’t take things for granted.
Inherent in an attitude that seeks to enlighten is a heart of grace:
- a heart that recognizes no one is perfect,
- a heart that doesn’t assume the other person knows what they are thinking or feeling,
- a heart that is humble and places high value on people (including themselves),
- a heart that doesn’t allow pride to keep them from making peace,
- a heart that sincerely wants to be forgiven and grant forgiveness.
Grace Begins With You
Grace is not just for the other person, but it is for you. In fact, it must begin with you. I say this a lot because I have seen it to be true over and over again – you can’t give away what you don’t have.
If you are not able to grant yourself grace, then what you give to others may take on some form of grace, but it won’t last. REAL Relationships require that you love God, yourself and then others. This is the foundation of grace.
Why Is It So Hard?
Granting others grace is hard for a ton of reasons. Pride (believing we have a right) gets in the way and much more. One of the most difficult times is when a person has hurt us. Especially if it’s been done multiple times. No longer do we care about enlightening them or granting them grace – we may just want to be done.
This same outlook can apply to ourselves. If we make the same mistakes again and again, we can want to give up, believing we aren’t due anymore grace.
I started this article talking about getting over ourselves and it’s time to cycle back. Granting grace will always be difficult when we put ourselves above others; when we lack a humble heart.
[stextbox id=”custom” bwidth=”3″ color=”FAFEFF” bcolor=”8C6727″ bgcolor=”50C7C3″ bgcolorto=”50C7C3″]”God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18 (MSG)[/stextbox]
Stop the Struggle
If you are struggling to restore and/or deepen relationships in your life, I would love to partner with you! I have been blessed to see many relationships in my life restored; not the least of which is my marriage.
My husband and I were on the steps of the court house to divorce (not literally, but we did have the papers filed ready to proceed). Restoration was not an easy road, but through obedience and perseverance God not only restored our family; He made us better than we had ever been.
Relationships are your lifeblood. They are at the core of living a serenity filled life. I hope you will not continue to suffer, but will take steps to resolve issues and move forward. There’s no better time than now to do this!
This is International Coaching Week!
For THIS WEEK ONLY, I am offering a SPECIAL DISCOUNT
10% off a 3 month coaching package and 20% off a 6 month package!
Yep, that’s a GREAT DEAL and it goes away at midnight CT May 22, 2016.
To inquire about this offer simply click HERE and let me know of your interest.
I will then provide you with additional information – no obligation!
~~~
Grace begins with you…extending love and Grace to myself has never been easy for me. It has definately been a learning process but I find the nicer I am to me the nicer others treat me so it really benefits relationships.
Thank you Christina for sharing. You are not alone! Many people struggle with granting themselves grace. We do tend to carry very high expectations for ourselves. It’s wonderful that you have the awareness of being kind to yourself and the ripple effects.
I’m right with Christina, I have trouble granting my self grace and forgiveness. I really need to learn how to be kinder to myself. It might help me fill up my love bucket (as my granddaughter calls it) to pour into others. Can’t pour if your bucket isn’t full.
Hi Julie,
So glad you are willing to share! I continue to smile when you share about your granddaughter and her term “love bucket.” The visual of this has so much application for our lives.
I struggled for years with forgiving myself. Thus, I can relate on some level. Allowing ourselves to move what we know to be true (we are forgiven) from our head to our heart is key. It can be a long journey sometimes, but it can be occur.